I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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