dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
