He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
