I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
