last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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