yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I am one with the molecules
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
