Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
