i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
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