so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
