i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
