Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
