and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
