It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
