I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
