The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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