My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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