I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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