Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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