according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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