Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Randomize
