things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
