That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
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