If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
