Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
