I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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