Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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