the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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