There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
