So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Randomize
