This girl is more easily done than said...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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