It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
