I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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