I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
