Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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