Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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