i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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