dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize