dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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