Porn is love you can see.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
