I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
