I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
