even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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