i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
