you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
home. puking in laundry basket.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize