Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize