You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
