What a fucking waste of an outfit
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
