miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
