I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
