STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
