so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
