i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
