you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
