I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
