I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
