Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
