Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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