some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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