My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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