Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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