Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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