the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
