You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Blood and glitter go together right?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
