here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
