I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
