This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize