Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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