I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize